So where have I been? Here is some overview:
DaNece and I have ended our relationship after 6 1/2 years. It was my decision, as I am not happy with the person I am right now. I need to find out why and fix that problem before I can be happy with anybody else. We intend to remain friends. Right now I’m not sure what that means, but we will find out in the coming weeks as we redefine the rolls we play in each other's lives.
I’ve moved into town, renting a room from Chris. Me and Scrappy are slowly but surely finding a routine within our new environment. I’m learning to jog early in the morning, and my legs don’t seem to happy about this. I’ve had trouble sleeping which has left me in a bit of a trance for the last week.
Uncle Paul died after fighting bone cancer for the past few years. Mom called on the weekend to tell me he wasn’t doing well. I had to work on Monday, but took the rest of the week off to go down to Phoenix to see him in the hospital. He died a few hours before we got there. I didn’t get to say good bye, I didn’t get to tell him I loved him. I know it doesn’t really matter that I didn’t get to say these things, he knew everything I would have told him anyway. It still drags me down a bit though.
Me, Nikki, Mom, and Uncle Mike spent a few days in Phoenix hanging out since the hotel rooms were already paid for. It was a good thing, and I made sure to tell them all that I loved them.
That Saturday we drove to Parker for the funeral. It was a celebration of life, which means it was an upbeat affair. I didn’t feel very upbeat about it though, I didn’t stay long after the service. I spent the next day moving my stuff.
I finally slept this weekend, my body too exhausted to have any choice in the matter. I had lunch with Mom and Nikki for mother’s day yesterday, and then went for a six hour drive which was filled with color. Both of these things helped to make me feel a little more human. I went to a car show on Saturday and clicked the shutter a bit, more from habit than anything. After downloading the photos to my desktop I realized it has lots of outdated software that needs upgrading, and so those few pictures sit dormant for now.
There is still work to do at the old house, as it will be going into foreclosure in the next few months. There is still work to do at my new house, as I try to fit the possessions of my life into a smaller box. There is still work to do on figuring out who I am, but I will now have more time to apply towards this goal.
See how this post is all jumbled up? Yeah, that’s me right now. Still getting things straightened out. Bear with me.
12 comments:
I was thinking about you today. If you hadn't posted, I was going to just pootle along and say 'hi' and 'how are you doing?'
As it is, I get to say, it's good to see you. I also get to say that I'm sorry - for the loss of your uncle. For the loss of your relationship. For the problems on your home.
I know it must be tough now. But please know it will get better - I only know because all that rubbish has happened in my life over the past few years too. A day at a time and all that. That's all you have to do.
I'm so glad you're still clicking. I enjoy your clicking very much.
Take care of yourself. xx
Kitty - The internet wouldn't be an enjoyable place it it weren't for you and those like you out there. :)
I am pretty optimistic about the future, it's just a matter of working out all the details.
Uncle Paul was a religious man, and so is in a 'better' place now. So it goes. He'll live on in my memories if nowhere else.
As for the relationship, it was my idea to end things. I'm at a point in my life where I really need to focus on figuring out who I am. DaNece seems to understand that, even if it isn't to her liking.
As for the house - I'm really not very worried at all about that. I never really liked the house, so it is a bit of a relief to be out of it. Having a foreclosure on my record doesn't bother me nearly as much as it probably should. :)
It will indeed get better. I'm sure there are at least a few more rough weeks ahead, but such is to be expected with this much change. For now I'm keeping my head down and my chin up.
Tombo, there are a ton of "sayings" about this run of bad luck you've had. Like "It never rains but it pours" and the like. But it looks like your attitude is good. So, you will survive. Sorry it all had to happen at once, though. Stay strong!
Cat - Thanks. Survive I will, and come out a stronger person than before. :)
I think it's a common misconception that the person who instigates a break up doesn't 'hurt' the same as the other partner. I instigated my break up too - almost certainly for very different reasons to you - but it still hurt.
Like Mr Cat says, it sounds like you have a great attitude. I'm pleased to know you.
x
I find that sad, about you and DaNece. I'm sorry things can't be what they were right now, but at the same time, it's extremely touching to me that you want to stop to figure out who you are. It's a necessary thing and it will come to you if you peacefully seek it out.
I'm sorry to hear about your Uncle Paul as well. Already being in a very reflective place, having a death occur in your life just pushes you inward that much deeper. I know it must hurt. And I know what you mean about it not mattering, but wanting to have said those things anyway. *Big hug*
Keep on putting one foot in front of the other and your answers will come. Lots of love to you, my friend, sincerely.
I'm so sorry to hear about all the misfortunes you are having in your life but you are showing a very good and strong attitude which should help get you through all this and on to a better life.
P.S. Missed the daily photos from you.
Kitty - yeah, it hurts no matter what. But I suppose the pain helps us grow. It is my absolute pleasure to know you as well. :)
Melissa - Sad? Yeah. Necessary? Definitely. I've spent so much of my life making sure everybody else is happy that I lost myself somewhere along the way. Now is a time to re-center and focus.
As for the death - yeah, I'm trying not to go too inward. I've got a bad habit of being a recluse anyway, and all of this stuff tempts me to drop out of existence even further. So instead I'm going to try to get out and experience life, make some mistakes, question everything, etc.
Thanks for your support. :)
QuiltedDogs - thanks! I know I'll get through, I just wonder who I'll be once I do. Hopefully I'll be able to keep up the daily photos. I haven't shot a single frame this week so far...
I wish you the best, Tom. Figuring out who you are is an ongoing process as you grow and the world changes. I have faith that you'll be better than OK.
Tombo.. in response to your statement in this update about your parting company. Rodney Dangerfield said it best.
"Dude were all going to get laid"
Girls in the past and girls in the future, one thing about them.. they are just girls, and you have your whole future to experience many, many more. Good luck Mister!
Dagny - Indeed, any definition I come up with will have to be fluid, because neither myself nor the world at large stays the same for long. Maybe I'm looking more to define some basic operating procedures. :)
PrescottStyle - LOL, talk about a great response. Seriously had me laughing in my seat, so thanks for that. I'm hoping to experience much in this crazy life, women included.
Good on you Tombo!
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