Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Breakdown

Almost two months after Uncle Paul died and I finally broke down. Mom asked me to make a few copies of his memorial DVD. Just a picture slideshow with musical background. Something I’ve watched plenty of times already with mom, and at the funeral.

 

After making a copy I tested to make sure that it would play correctly, and as I sat there watching my uncle’s smiling face in every photo I lost my shit.  I sat and replayed that DVD for an hour and cried like a school girl. I’ll never get to see that smile again, never get to hear his laugh. His guitar sits silently awaiting somebody else’s hands to make the music now.

 

I miss you Uncle Paul.

7 comments:

Catalyst said...

Sometimes it takes a while, Tombo. I guess nowadays "they" call it closure.

TomboCheck said...

Catalyst - Yeah, I have a real bad habit of bottling everything up (typical guy syndrome, eh?), so it was nice to finally get some of it out.

Is that what they mean by closure? I suppose it makes sense. :)

Brandy Young said...

Losing a loved one is so hard...
I had a similar experience not so long ago...it was set off by looking at a family history book that had a picture of my cousin who was killed in 2001, when he was 21.
I did the same thing...bawled my eyes out. Then I wrote a nice long blog about everything that was on my mind, that I had bottled up for years.
And that helped so much...
I don't know about closure... :) For some reason, I think that all the loved ones I have lost will always bring some kind of emotional breakdown out of me...given the right circumstances.
Sorry to go on and on... :)

TomboCheck said...

Brandy - I hope this doesn't keep coming about whenever I see pictures of him! I'd have to start avoiding the family albums.

Time will tell I suppose. I'm very adept at setting emotions aside until I have some breathing room to deal with them. I'm hoping that I've dealt with this batch well enough that it won't crop up again anytime soon.

Now I just need to start wading through all the rest of the set-aside issues. :)

And no worries about going on and on! I dig it.

Chickenbells said...

I'm so sorry for your loss...but it's good to get the feelings out into the open. I tell you, grief always has a way of sneaking up on you...

Melissa said...

As everyone else said, it can be a very positive thing. I think too that when you're going through your first bouts of grief in life, some of the more profound, unsettling, shocking, emotional realizations that come with it, about life and death, the transient nature of things, etc., etc. don't come until a bit later and that's what can really set you off... make you have a breakdown or what have you. At least that's how it happened for me. I didn't even cry about my dad's death the first few months except once I think.

I'm glad this happened for you. Much love~

TomboCheck said...

Sadira - Yeah, kind of like the bogey man jumping out of the closet. :)

Melissa - "I'm glad this happened for you" - thanks. I'm really glad it happened as well. The funny thing is I'm not sorry that he's gone, just sad that I don't get to see him any more.